Are we there yet? Why you are not ‘coming’ together…

unhappy couple

So what is all the fuss about? Why do movies, books and even porn flicks send us messages that when enjoying intimate time with our lover we must climax at the same time?

Is it any wonder many of us scan the net looking for info about sex and sexuality? Wondering if we are normal… are we doing it right… and how to be better…?

I think it puts unrealistic goals into our collective heads… this whole notion that when making love or even having a passionate quickie, that both participants must feel the ultimate pleasure of perfectly timed and synchronised orgasms.

The reality for most of the sexually active population, is that one of us usually ‘arrives’ before the other. This can happen in any number of ways… (I am going ahead with hetero inferences here…) perhaps he is a gentleman and will bring his lady to her peak either with his fingers or mouth first.

May be he has a short refractory period (the length of time between when he can ejaculate and then get it up again), perhaps she will get him off first and then after 10-20 minutes he is ready again and they can play for longer this time before he cums again…?

The fact is 80-90% of females only orgasm through clitoral stimulation. This means that if you want to be having intercourse and coming together, you will most likely have to find a position where her clitoris is able to either rub against him in just the right way, or that one of you can utilise fingers or a vibrator to massage the clitoris.

This is also assuming that you both reach that point of no return at the same time too. Timing is everything… the average time a man takes to orgasm after vaginal penetration is between 3-5 minutes. Most women report needing 10-20 minutes of clitoral stimulation before they can orgasm.

So the likelihood of both of you being at that climactic peak at the same time is small.

What a mine field!

The bottom line is we all enjoy a great orgasm… if you can pull of a fabulous joint venture Woohoo… but don’t ever think miss-timed orgasms are a failure…

Healthy sexual play sends happy hormones (endorphins) into our system. Feeling loved and appreciated and having skin to skin contact are all the good things in life. So don’t stress over this question any more.

Until next time…

Darleen