Would you?… Could you?… Have you?… Having an affair or cheating whilst in a monogamous relationship seems to be an act, for many, of repeat offenders. The majority of us has a specific opinion about those who cheat. Chances are you have cheated or have been cheated on at least once in your life. It is rife through our social set up. Why?
Monogamy is difficult for many. Making a commitment to someone you love is often truly meant and felt at the time. However after a few years have passed by (or sometimes only months!) one party to the relationship may feel things are a bit too boring, stifled, monotonous or just not enough fun. So what is the solution? For those with low moral standards, they find an alternate lover. Someone who fills the gap in the fun bedroom partner department.
I do not believe anyone ‘accidently’ falls for someone else, or lands in bed with someone else. At some point they are making a conscious decision to step away from the intimate relationship they have with their partner. Sharing feelings, fantasies and bodily fluids is NEVER accidental.
With the digital era came online dating and of course eventually online dating for those already with a partner… enter AshleyMadison. Their slogan “Life is short. Have an affair.” is pretty straight forward, there is no guessing as to what you are getting into when you sign up for this one.
So what is it about those who chose to cheat…? To go out of their way to lie about where they are, what they are spending money on and mostly, sharing a part of themselves that is supposed to belong to another. That other person most likely believes they are in a special and loving relationship.
What happens if the partner finds out? Do you continue the lie and deny it? Do you stop?
What if you get guilty and decide to tell your spouse? Should you? What is that going to achieve?
I have had my heart broken by someone I thought would never do that, I believed we had a very special and amazing bond. Of all the men I had ever had a relationship with he was the one I trusted the most. Look where that got me! Did it scar me? Absolutely. Did it take a while to get over the whole situation? Of course! Did I allow that to let me be bitter and take it to my next relationship? NO. That is the worst thing you can do. And it is not fair to yourself or the new person you have invited into your life.
Have I ever cheated? Noooo … not really… I was very young, about 19 and I was about to breakup with him anyway. He had a tenancy to get a bit rough (physically) when he had had a few drinks, not my kind of guy. So the end of that relationship was a little abrupt when he found me with another guy.
What has all my experience given me? A firm conviction about those who go behind the back of their loved one and share with someone else. Grow some balls and break off your relationship if you feel you need to be with someone else. It is simply not fair to have an affair. If you know you are the kind of person who needs the stimulation of many different lovers, don’t get hooked up or married. Be responsible for yourself and your decisions.
If you happen to be one of those people who may be about to get exposed due to the hacking of the AshleyMadison site, so be it. You do it, your wear it!
Perhaps we are about to have the equivalent of a stock market crash on the marriage/divorce market? Or at least a boom in the marriage counsellor arena!
Till next time…