Dating in your 30’s and 40’s

dating in your 30's and 40's

It’s a whole new world out there… If you have been in a long term relationship for more than 5 years and for whatever reason find yourself looking for love once again, hold on tight! I can remember joining up to an online dating site for the very first time in my late 30’s. What an eye opener that was. It’s like another world!

It is quite confronting to sit down and write about yourself for a complete stranger to read. To get the balance right between saying too much and not saying enough. To try to be a little bit funny if you can. Then you get a big ‘tick a box’ list of ‘ideal traits in a partner’ to go through. From the little things like eye colour and hair colour to big stuff like ‘do you want more kids?’. I think I am an honest and open person and I assume most people are the same (it has got me into trouble on more than one occasion). So many lies!

I was definitely on a mission when I jumped head first in to this adventure. I used to be a ‘social smoker’ in my early 20’s, now there is no way I would date a smoker… but so many of the guys who were interested in me were smokers (I had ticked the box for a non-smoker). I was definitely finished contributing to the population, but had lots of guys contact me who clearly wanted more kids. The list goes on and on. I guess the key for me here was sticking to my guns about my ‘deal breakers’… those things that I was very adamant about.

I feel this is a critical part of dating. If someone is a smoker and you think you can overlook this because something else seems more important at the time, you may be in for a rough ride. Things move along, the shine wears off the new relationship and you have fallen in love with a smoker. You hassle them about giving up once in a while, but the thing is, you knew this about them going in… so it is really your issue, not theirs.

If online dating is not for you, or has not worked so far, where else do you go to meet new people when you are over 30? The nightclub scene is out as you just look and feel out of place. You may have friends and colleagues set you up with ‘the perfect person’, only to find out you have absolutely nothing in common with this person.

Dating at any age can be a rollercoaster experience, you meet someone who you think is great and they don’t call back… you meet someone a bit too left of centre for you, and they won’t stop calling you (even when you have told them point blank it’s a NO).

Don’t give up, be positive, tenacious and happy with your life.

It’s going to happen one day… when you least expect it.

To meet someone you want to spend a lot of time with, you have to be in the right headspace yourself. It makes all the difference. If you are single and would prefer not to be, what are you doing about it? As the saying goes… if nothing changes, nothing changes!

Have a great week

 

 

Darleen