It’s one of those phrases that is bandied around so often, sometimes we don’t even register it anymore.
How much time did you spend studying and working your way up the ranks of your career path? You have spent countless hours, weeks and months honing your skills, talking to the right people, going to the right events, staying back late to finish a project to prove you are worthy of that promotion or raise.
What about your relationship…? Have you put in anywhere near as much time and effort with your significant other? The answer is too often … “Um… noooo, I’ve never really thought about it.”
The sad truth is we modern, all too busy adults, are so busy with our career, our family commitments our own personal time, we don’t give our most important relationship the respect and attention we should. It is very clear in the number and percentage of divorces now. And it’s not just the young and silly that are divorcing… it’s more often the ones who have been married for many years.
So what is happening to our cultural ideal…? Why are we so unhappy that we choose to go through the trauma of a breakup instead of trying to fix what was once worthy of a lifetime commitment?
We all have the same number of hours in a day. How much time each week… literally… do you spend at work and traveling to and from work? How much do you spend asleep… or trying to fall asleep? How much time do you spend on work at home, yes even those texts and emails you attend to after hours? What do you do for yourself each week that does not include your partner?
After tallying just these basics, and we have not considered time in front of the TV yet, how much time are you spending with your partner? And that does NOT include watching TV together… it really does not count.
Do you have an activity that you both enjoy doing together and participate at least once a week? How often do you just sit and talk without anyone else around, without any technology or distractions? It really is this intimate time of sharing that makes the difference between a happy couple and a not so happy couple.
Remember that those on their deathbed rarely talk about all those wonderful moments at work and how much they achieved in their career… they talk about spending time with their best friend, lover, partner, they talk about friends, experiences and fun times.
This is not a rehearsal… you don’t get to come back and give it another go.
If you feel like you are moving through each day, week and month and heading towards some unknown target, all consumed by work, TV, gym and sleep. Perhaps what is missing is being in the moment with your partner…? This can only happen when you are both feeling connected and together, and this can only happen when you spend real time together.
None of us spent much, if any, time working on our relationship after the ‘honeymoon period’, we just assume that we are both ‘sweet’, we got married or committed to each other, that’s proof enough that we are together… right?
Time to put in some serious hours and commitment with your partner…? I think yes! At lease 5-10 hours per week should be spent doing things you enjoy together, what do you both enjoy? And I’m not talking about something one of your loves and the other going along to appease them.
Do you spend 5 hours on a Saturday morning playing golf or surfing or shopping or sewing…. These are the lost hours. I’m not saying you should not do what you love, but be aware of where you are spending your time. As this kind of spending (time) is non-refundable.
If work consumes a majority of your 7 days, then be more conscious of what else you are doing and what you can change to spend time with your best friend.
If you feel like you could use a helping hand with your relationship, I’m here to help. Just email me and we can have a chat about where you are and where you want to be in your relationship. Believe me, mending what was once wonderful is a far better option than finding a replacement!