Masturbation… masturbation… masturbation… did you cringe a little even reading the word?
Modern civilisation, for the most part, has us believe sexual self-pleasuring is not to be spoken of in polite company… let alone actually engaging in it!
Did you know that babies in utero are often scanned with their hands at their genitals… and do you know why? Because it feels good. It really is as simple as that!
We are sexual beings from inception until we take our last breath. There are of course high and low points of that sexual adventure. Something we discover as toddlers is that it feels really nice to touch ourselves. What generally happens next is a parent or other adult scalds the toddler and tells them some silly old wives tale to scare the crap out of them and try to stop them from indulging!
Bad move mum and dad… you are setting them up for a life of feeling shameful about sexual pleasure. The signals we receive, even as toddlers, can have a massive influence on us for the rest of our lives. If we are told ‘don’t do that it’s dirty’ or ‘don’t touch yourself there its naughty’ or even ‘if you keep doing that you will go blind!’ the message heard loud and clear from our caring adults is that I cannot do something that feels nice and if I do it has to be a secret.
This often leads to young teen boys having to masturbate and ejaculate quickly to ensure they are not discovered which can lead to premature ejaculation issues down the track. He has trained himself over many years to ‘do it quickly’. Then when he is with a girl, which is a massive amount of extra excitement and stimulation, he may find he just cannot last very long at all.
Little girls are frowned upon even more as they are supposed to be sweet and pure, so there is no leeway afforded to girls. It is simply not spoken about.
The best course of action…? Teach our children that this nice feeling is a natural part of learning about how their bodies work and that there are some things we do in public… like eating, playing sport and swimming. Other things are private activities, like showering, going to the toilet and self-pleasuring. It’s all about the message we are giving them.
Be a good parent and teach your kids about healthy, positive sexuality. Feeling positive about sex as a teen is going to give them a feeling of being in control. If they are masturbating we, as parents, should be thankful… firstly if they are aware of how they like to be touched and what can bring them to orgasm they are more likely to have a healthy sex life with a partner. Secondly if they are looking after themselves they are less likely to look for sexual gratification from someone else.
Having a family who talk’s openly about sex encourages your kids to come to you when they are not sure about something. I know it may be a hard topic, however it is high time we changed the common views that have been instilled in us from centuries ago and move into open honest conversations about sex and masturbation. After all it really is the safest sex you can have!